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Rivian roll-out humor...

LoneStar

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So I wrote this made-up chat session today in another thread. Got enough reactions to my humor and spoofing that I'm starting a thread with it. Do recognize this is in the Off-Topic section. Hoping most everyone chills on this thread and certainly don't take anything too seriously. Others may express their pent-up angst about the slow drip-drip flow of information from Rivian here in jest or just outright saying it as they deem fit. Let's make this a "SAFE SPACE" people :handsinair: - though I actually hate that term.

Hoping everyone takes this for what it's meant to be - a release. Not a dig (or sincere one) at Rivian or saying any other car maker (Tesla) does a product release any better. I am super excited awaiting my R1T Launch Edition. In fact, I definitely dwell way too much on it. I shouldn't even be looking at this forum right now :bandit:


sometime in late June the phone rings, "Hello, this is Rivian vehicle sales calling to finalize your adventure vehicle purchase. I show your's schedule for production completion in 3 days ready for delivery or pickup this Friday. Now I'm allowed to tell you that our '300-mi. battery' achieved nearly two hundred miles in official EPA testing - but it did score just shy of 300 miles in the Alpine downhill simulation. We're somewhat pleased to say IIHS scored a 3-Star crash rating making us as good as a Dodge Durango and better than the Journey!

I note that your selected 'Launch Green' color - a great choice I might add. While I cannot show you the actual paint color I can tell you that it's much darker than pea soup - and reminds me of last time I ate at the streetside taco stand (if you catch my meaning) butt with metallic. Let's discuss your purchase options: you can wire cash, we accept the Chase 'Sapphire Reserve' card or the 'Centurion' from American Express; for a modest $1,000 fee I can provide you with the VIN now and you can try to get a loan, or if you're an Amazon Prime member you can apply for a new Prime-Rivian Rewards Visa with a $50,000 credit line at 3-day introductory rate of 0.9% (rising to 29.9% compounded hourly, and only if your credit score is above 798 and satisfy all other 'prestigiously well-qualified' criteria).

You may test drive your vehicle after payment and contract signing and if you're not completely satisfied can sell it to somebody else. You can pick up your vehicle here with a complimentary 'Normal' factory tour for just a $5,000 extra-charge (travel, lodging and required Covid negative test not included). Or any Amazon driver can deliver it personally to your home with a minimum $5,000 purchase of vehicle accessories, like our Camp Kitchen or yet-to-be-revealed deployable sidesteps that you can view and evaluate on your new vehicle after purchase. So how would you like to proceed..... "
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St Bernard

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So I wrote this made-up chat session today in another thread. Got enough reactions to my humor and spoofing that I'm starting a thread with it. Do recognize this is in the Off-Topic section. Hoping most everyone chills on this thread and certainly don't take anything too seriously. Others may express their pent-up angst about the slow drip-drip flow of information from Rivian here in jest or just outright saying it as they deem fit. Let's make this a "SAFE SPACE" people :handsinair: - though I actually hate that term.

Hoping everyone takes this for what it's meant to be - a release. Not a dig (or sincere one) at Rivian or saying any other car maker (Tesla) does a product release any better. I am super excited awaiting my R1T Launch Edition. In fact, I definitely dwell way too much on it. I shouldn't even be looking at this forum right now :bandit:


sometime in late June the phone rings, "Hello, this is Rivian vehicle sales calling to finalize your adventure vehicle purchase. I show your's schedule for production completion in 3 days ready for delivery or pickup this Friday. Now I'm allowed to tell you that our '300-mi. battery' achieved nearly two hundred miles in official EPA testing - but it did score just shy of 300 miles in the Alpine downhill simulation. We're somewhat pleased to say IIHS scored a 3-Star crash rating making us as good as a Dodge Durango and better than the Journey!

I note that your selected 'Launch Green' color - a great choice I might add. While I cannot show you the actual paint color I can tell you that it's much darker than pea soup - and reminds me of last time I ate at the streetside taco stand (if you catch my meaning) butt with metallic. Let's discuss your purchase options: you can wire cash, we accept the Chase 'Sapphire Reserve' card or the 'Centurion' from American Express; for a modest $1,000 fee I can provide you with the VIN now and you can try to get a loan, or if you're an Amazon Prime member you can apply for a new Prime-Rivian Rewards Visa with a $50,000 credit line at 3-day introductory rate of 0.9% (rising to 29.9% compounded hourly, and only if your credit score is above 798 and satisfy all other 'prestigiously well-qualified' criteria).

You may test drive your vehicle after payment and contract signing and if you're not completely satisfied can sell it to somebody else. You can pick up your vehicle here with a complimentary 'Normal' factory tour for just a $5,000 extra-charge (travel, lodging and required Covid negative test not included). Or any Amazon driver can deliver it personally to your home with a minimum $5,000 purchase of vehicle accessories, like our Camp Kitchen or yet-to-be-revealed deployable sidesteps that you can view and evaluate on your new vehicle after purchase. So how would you like to proceed..... "
 

St Bernard

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I hope this doesn’t become reality.
 

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sevengroove

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Mjhirsch78

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The hardest part will be teleporting the free puppies.
 

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Ladiver

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kanundrum

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Wife: WHAT are you doing always on the computer?!
Me: Sweats nervously, *THINK OF SOMETHING TO THROW HER OFF*
Me: Having a Affair!
Wife: Bullshit you keep on chatting with folks on the Rivian Forums and Configuring it over and over again aren't you?!
Me: *Closes tabs fast*, No!! Whats a Rivian? No Clue what you are talking about.
Wife: Sees Letter from RJ and Picture in a frame
Wife: *Cries, you love him don't you!!!*
Me: Its not like that baby...

*RJ Enters the Room*

Rivian R1T R1S Rivian roll-out humor... 1614308654602
 

skyote

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Mullypro

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After weeks of looking at existing EV's and driving each trying to find a rig that could handle the PNW and carry our two 85lb pups in the back....

Me: Babe! I found it! Come look. It's all we wanted.
Wife: Um, what's with the front end??
Me: Just wait till you see the rest of it. Look
Wife: Ohh! I love that white interior. With the Glacier White and the 22's?! Can I fit the dogs?
Me: Look at it. I am sure you can.
Wife: Let me see the cargo space
Me: (crickets)
Wife: Does it have the power-folding third-row seats?
Me: (still nothing. CRAP! Why can't I find any of this info?!)
Wife: You are kidding right? Show me? OMG. (Gets up and starts walking away)
Me: You are right as always Babe. Let's just order the Land Rover
Wife: (casually making her way back to me). So show me that amazing ride again.

Deposit Made! LOL
 

skyote

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Me: (still nothing. CRAP! Why can't I find any of this info?!)
Welcome to the club, you've been officially initiated into the Rivian preorder community.
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